twiceover
by archy the cockroach
Summary: Tifa Lockheart is a headache that Leon doesn't need. PreKH2


**i**

Squall Leonheart felt like he was being watched. It was that kind of prickly feeling on the back of your neck that sent shivers down your spine, and it was what Leon was feeling; and he didn't like it.

He had been attempting to help Scrooge McDuck put the finishing touches on his home when the feeling came on. He'd been standing around the middle step of a particularly creaky ladder (one that wobbled a bit whenever the wind blew), and suddenly the feeling washed over him.

He tentatively inclined his head to the side, looking over his shoulder and attempting to find whoever was watching him. With the awkward angle, he couldn't really see, and derived that his only way to figure out who exactly was watching him was to get off of the ladder.

Though, when he got to the final step and went to turn around, he got a face-full of female and the soft press of breasts meeting his chest. The stoic man jerked away, hating the fact that his personal space bubble was severely invaded. He hit the ladder with his elbow, knocking the rickety piece of metal over accidentally. He winced at the sound of the clattering, but tried his hardest to not let it show on his face.

"Can I help you?" said Leon, giving the woman a once-over. Though, he couldn't help the fact that his eyes were quickly glued to her most 'prominent' feature; her massive breasts. He stood there, stupidly, gazing at her chest like a perverted moron.

The woman cocked her hip, placing a thin, gloved hand against it and giving him a suspicious look. "If you talk to my boobs, I get to talk to your ass. It's pretty nice, you know," said the woman, voice rather pointed.

Leon immediately cleared his throat, raising his eyes back to her face. She wasn't a bad looking woman at all; quite the contrary, she was pretty with defined facial features and a sort of expression that made her look like a mother who'd found her son with his hand in the cookie jar.

And then he realized that _she'd _been the one watching him. The woman crossed her arms, giving Leon a tiny smile. "You do have a nice ass. Cloud told me to come over and find you, and just my luck—you were up on a ladder. You're cute."

The man stared at her, wondering how the hell should be so blunt. She reminded him of someone, but he couldn't quite place it. Scoffing, he averted his eyes back to the cobblestone. "Strife sent you, huh?" he mumbled, bringing a hand up to massage his temples. He could already feel a headache coming on. _Well, she's nothing like Aerith, that's for sure._

Leon was about to continue when the woman pushed up against him again. He quickly realized that she was the one who'd been watching him before—and most likely been staring at his ass from her place on the pavement.

He suddenly realized that he didn't like this woman.

She did eventually back off, pulling herself away and offering her hand. Squall hesitantly gripped her slim, leather clad fingers with his own and she gave his hand a firm shake. "Tifa Lockheart," she said, giving him a tiny smile.

"Leon," deadpanned the man, releasing her hand limply and turning around to try to prop the ladder back up. He bent over, and got the discreet feeling that he was being watched again.

Straightening back up, he cleared his throat for the second time and gave the smiling woman an exasperated look. "What?"

"Oh, nothing. I'm just attempting to have a conversation with your ass. It _must _make more small-talk than you do," said Tifa, shrugging. "You're about as talkative as a mime." Leon blinked. Well, that was certainly unexpected. The only person who cracked jokes at him like that and got away with their body parts still in tact was Sora (but that was because he was the Keyblade master and could easily kick Leon's apparently talkative ass).

Leon rolled his eyes, easily picking the ladder up and balancing back in its position propped up against the roof. "If you don't mind, I'm somewhat busy," he said, voice calm and even as per usual. Tifa smiled, planting both fists on her hips.

"Why don't I hold the ladder for you? So it doesn't fall down?" she suggested, fixing him with challenging eyes. Leon sighed heavily, half wanting to bash his forehead into the gutter that Scrooge McDuck demanded he re-align. The house was actually falling apart, and more than just the gutter needed to be fixed.

The man nodded, quickly climbing the ladder and not watching Tifa get back into place. He could feel from the movements below him that the ladder was significantly more steady, and with Tifa in placehe could get back to work on trying to get the gutter to sit properly against the roof.

All Tifa could think was, _What a lovely view._

The gutter hung a little crooked and there was a huge dent that made the metal stick out at an awkward angle. After a few moments of doing 'the man thing' and attempting to forcefully smash the thing back into place with a tightly curled fist, Tifa gave him a slightly condescending look from where she was holding the ladder. "Ya know, that's not going to work _Le-on._"

The gunblade specialist rolled his eyes, not wanting to be bothered. He looked downward, careful to place his hands on a steady surface before he addressed her. "I didn't ask for your opinion," he stated, in a rather offish tone. Tifa raised her eyebrows before backing away from the ladder.

"Okay," she said, giving said ladder a sharp kick at the base. Leon's eyes widened abruptly, as the metallic object fell straight backwards with the man oafishly hanging onto the top. Tifa stepped out of the way as he hit the ground, back slamming against the cobblestone with an audible smack. Leon groaned but was wary to not show too much pain on his face. He was a fighter; something like this wasn't going to hurt him too much. And this girl was evidently testing him—he wasn't a weakling, and she was going to know that.

Even though his bones felt like they were snapped in several places (something a quick Curaga spell, courtesy of Merlin, would easily fix), the brunet got to his feet and gave Tifa a glare that could scare Hades himself.

Tifa just smiled in response, linking her fingers behind her back. "It's good you landed on your back."

A little bit confused, Leon quirked an eyebrow and watched her turn around and begin to walk away. "Why's that?" he asked, wincing as he felt a sharp pain spike through his lower back.

"Because if you landed on your ass, between you and Cloud, I'd have nothing left to talk to."

* * *

this is going to be a 3-part miniseries. with smut. that's right. het smut. from archy the cockroach. 

whoa.

anyway, i'm back. miss me?

-archy


End file.
